Tag Archives: Non-Verbal Communication

Ask Ellen Anmuth, Psychotherapist – ABC TV’s “Shark Tank” as a Metaphor for Faith and Control

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In What Way is the ABC TV show “Shark Tank” a Metaphor for Faith and Control in Business Marketing and Development?

This series, “Ask Ellen Anmuth, Psychotherapist”, is devoted to addressing emails from readers.

SANDRA FROM INDIANA WRITES: I work in the field of spiritual coaching, and I find myself watching “Shark Tank” from a perspective of spirituality. In other words, I feel that people who come to the show have a dream that they wish to manifest. They seem to have some degree of control, but when they get into the “Shark Tank”, they do not know how the panel of “Sharks” will respond to their idea. Can you comment on the issue of control and spirituality related to business development?

ELLEN ANMUTH, PSYCHOTHERAPIST: I appreciate this very insightful question, Sandra. I think that the TV show, “Shark Tank” has become very popular because it taps into some of the core issues for individuals with a dream of building and promoting their own product or business. What does it tap into?

Perhaps the core issue is “Control”. The notion of “control” is a fascinating one to ponder, on many levels…practical business, spiritual and psychological.

On the TV show, “Shark Tank”, we have seen some people present their ideas with great confidence, only to find out that they are unprepared to answer questions about the nuts and bolts of the finances related to their product. Others come in very prepared financially, and yet seem to present with an air of arrogance that offends the “Sharks”.  When people have business dreams, what causes some deals to click, and other deals to fail?

An aspect of success in business promotion may be that subjective element of “right place, right time”,  and an aspect of the blending of personalities of the business owner and the business investor. What other elements are operating on both conscious and unconscious levels between people negotiating a business deal? What aspects of verbal and non-verbal communication contribute to outcomes? 

To what extent to we have control over a business situation, despite the best intentions to plan and prepare? To what extent do we have control over any interpersonal interaction?

Some Aspects to consider:

1) Did you ever feel totally prepared and confident, and find out that a presentation did not go your way? Did the opposite ever occur, in that when you are hardly trying at all, things click and unexpectedly positive things happen?

2) Do you believe in a spiritual component to business?

3) Do you believe in fate, in that if one door closes, it is because something better is around the corner?  I appreciate any comments on the topic of spirituality, control and business outcomes.

Violent Communication: When A Whisper Can Wound

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What  is Violent Communication?

We think of certain behaviors as being violent,  such as yelling and  name calling.  These are obvious examples. What about the more subtle forms of interpersonal hostility and aggression?

When can a  whisper be considered violent? Sarcasm can be whispered. Someone can roll their eyes, and sigh, conveying disgust and disdain, which is very hurtful to the recipient.

Non-verbal communication and tone can be aggressive when they convey contempt, as opposed to conveying healthy anger or feelings of hurt in a direct manner, that leads to problem solving strategies. Sarcasm, eye rolls, name calling and sighs tend to be “zingers” that only hurt.

It may be helpful to distinguish “Healthy Anger” from  “Unhealthy Anger” or “Toxic Anger”. In the case of healthy anger, a person can use phrases such as, ” I feel angry when______”, and the example is then described with a neutral behavioral context. There can be a systematic process of uncovering feelings, clearing up misunderstandings, stating requests and  negotiating a solution.

ACTION STRATEGIES:

1) Notice if you, or the person you are in a relationship with, tends to utilize yelling or  name calling  with loud volume, or if there is a tendency to use hurtful non-verbal communication, such as sighs and eye rolls, or the use of sarcasm.

2) Notice what you feel, if you are on the receiving end of such behavior.

3) Notice what you feel if you are the person doing these behaviors. If so, notice if you feel discouraged and hopeless with this strategy.

4) Consider some healthier ways to manage your emotions, and learn to communicate using compassionate and clear solution focused methods.